The Men Who Stare at Goats

I can’t muster the strength to really bag on The Men Who Stare at Goats. Partly because I remain firmly under the spell of my Heterosexual Man Crush on The Last(?) Movie Star, George Clooney (not to mention that of my one-time Hetero Brit Man Crush, Ewan McGregor); partly because I love whenever Long-hair Jeff Bridges shows up in a movie (more on that later); but mostly because this offbeat, breezy, non-committal lark of a film never really asks much of the viewer. Doesn’t give much back, either, but there you go…

The Men Who Stare at Goats is based in part on true stories of how the U.S. Army has been dabbling in New Age psychic warfare for decades, as reported by Jon Ronson in his 2004 non-fiction book. Things like remote viewing, phasing through solid objects, and yes, killing the enemy—or poor stand-in goats—by staring at them.

However, where Ronson’s book is more a collection of oddball tales painting an overview of Army PSYOP efforts since the '50s, the film version, written by Peter Straughan and directed by first-time Clooney writing-producing partner Grant Heslov, tries to herd things into something resembling a plot. “Tries” being the operative word here: The film is jam-packed with humorous gags and easy, likable performances, but it never really finds an overriding point or purpose. Heslov and Straughan have cobbled together a narrative, but they never quite get hold of a thematic or cinematic purpose. There's no "why" here.

What they do have is McGregor’s down-and-out journalist character Bob Wilton stumbling first into the story of the military’s ‘80s-era attempt at building a “New Earth Army” comprised of psychic warrior monks: “Jedi warriors,” as goes the wink-wink joke at Ewan’s expense. Off to Kuwait at the start of the 2003 Iraq War, Wilton then runs smack dab into one of the warrior monks, Clooney’s Lyn Cassady.

Clooney is forever afraid of believing his own Sexiest Movie Star Alive press, so he often flocks to characters like Cassady, where he can let his inner dork roam free. (A la the Coens’ O Brother Where Art Thou, Intolerable Cruelty, and Burn After Reading.) Cassady is classic goofball Clooney: A puffed-up, mustachioed, self-serious goon who believes his own B.S. delusions.

(I continue to admire Clooney for making films like this that fly directly in the face of how a Big Oscar-winning Star should conduct his career. Unlike other talented, award-winning actors who take on ridiculous roles --*cough* CageSwankGoodingJr *cough*--at least with Clooney you feel his heart is in it.)

The Men Who Stare at Goats hops back and forth between the 2003 framing device, as Cassady and Wilton roam the Iraqi desert, and hair-challenged ‘80s-era flashbacks. It's in those training vignettes that we meet the drug-addled mastermind of the New Earth Army: Bill Django, a Vietnam Vet who went hippie native in the peyote-soaked hot tubs of Northern California.

As played by our national acting treasure, Jeff Bridges, Django is easily shorthanded as The Big Lebowski’s Dude by way of Stripes. But both the pony-tailed Django and the Dude are just part of a larger film analysis theory: the longer Jeff Bridges’ hair, the looser and more enjoyable the performance, even if the films themselves don’t hold up. (Someday I’ll break down the Jeff Bridges Hair Acting Theory in much greater detail.)

Rounding out the cast is Kevin Spacey, sinking his toupee into playing the New Earth Army—and the film’s—ostensible heavy, the Anakin of the Jedi corps who corrupts the grand dream for personal power, ego, and profit.

All this is aiming for something meaningfully quirky along the lines of Catch-22, Dr. Strangelove, MASH, or even Three Kings. I can also see where Clooney—who no doubt, as the film’s producer and as Heslov’s mentor, had more than a little say in the film’s look and feel—might have been trying to echo his own directorial debut, 2003’s Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. As in that adaptation of Chuck Barris’ far-fetched “autobiography” (where the creator of The Dating Game, The Newlywed Game, and The Gong Show claimed to have been a CIA hitman), The Men Who Stare at Goats hopes to mine the world of military intelligence and shadowy conspiracy theories for satirical farce.

But Heslov’s film never bites down hard enough to work as satire and while “steadily amusing” is nice, it just isn’t enough to qualify as quality farce. Rather than joining that distinguished list of better military satires, too much of The Men Who Stare at Goats never catches up to its own clever, amusing premise. Instead it ends up lost in the desert like Ishtar.

Despite all the forced kookiness, the film remains lethargic and flat—it never generates enough of a spark to ignite even a wet squib of an ending. There’s talk of themes such as the power of belief and the suggestion that all this military madness might function as a self-help course for Wilton’s own flailing career and life, but such lessons feel loosely tacked on and quickly blow away. But if there’s one up side to The Men Who Stare at Goats’ slight, inoffensive mediocrity, it’s that the film won’t remain long enough in anyone’s memory to be a blight on the resumes of those involved.

Comments

[Spaz]

Honestly? I just love the commercials. I crack up every time I see the goat fall over. I'll wait to see it when it's available in my local Redbox. =)

[piles]

Obviously, this is a bang up Memorial Day action film, and as such it deserves. It has been promoted as a potentially true story. In addition to the hyper-environmentalist agenda, the movie also takes pot-shots at Christianity and is sprinkled with evolutionary ideas. That make me crazy.

[Clooney Lover]

Saw it last night and I'll have to file it under "slap-stick overkill." Would love the opportunity to ask Mr. Clooney "what were you thinking, man!" Bad acting, trifling dialogue, nothing believable, tons of cussing if you're into that, and overall, a waste of time and money. This year's disappointment for me. But, to each his/her own...

[Locke Peterseim]

Like I said in the review, as a Clooney lover myself I do still respect him for making films like this. This was clearly a labor of love for him, a project he wanted to do with Heslov, his writing/producing partner. Yeah, it ended up a misfire, but while it comes off slight, I can see what Clooney and Heslov were aiming for and I do admire them for trying it. Just wish it had come together better.

(As for Piles' comments about "bang up Memorial Day action film," "hyper-environmentalist agenda," "pot-shots at Christianity," and "sprinkled with evolutionary ideas," I'm not sure if he/she saw THIS film, because that doesn't sound much like ANYTHING in The Men Who Stare at Goats. Did you see the film, Piles, and found that stuff in it, or are you going by what you heard... or are you thinking of Astro Boy?)

[Livia]

Seems very stupid. About a few guys who make a living staring at goats, stupid as heck. Love George Clooney though.

This film is rated R and I'm not into seeing those cheesy\stupid rated R, I mean seriously those PG-13 are much better. I rather go for Astro Boy! But staring at goats aren't mind kind of thing and this film is just not my kind of movie, I'll let my friend see it since she's into the hilarious films! Not seeing it. :)

[Keith Howard]

I like all the actors but the movie is horrible. Do not waste your money. If you do, you'll remember reading this review. I promise.

[Mary Ellen]

Worse movie I ever saw. So many good actors wasted on this film.

[Ebony]

VERY stupid movie with no point to it. It was funny but stupid & as always, George Clooney looked VERY handsome, especially when he stared oof into space & did that stupid look he did when he was trying to "cloud burst." LOL!!!! I wouldn't watch it again. I just wana see the goat fall over again! LMBO!!!!

[Susan S]

I liked it. I laughed alot. Hated the end though. It's a movie, not rocket science, this doesn't need to be over thought. Enjoy for what it is- entertainment.

[ReddingSue]

Glad I read these reviews, as also thought the ads looked cute. But I'm not big on slap-stick humor either and only way I would watch this would be if someone PAID me maybe! $:o) Think would rather see Oceans reruns with GC.

[ReddingSue]

note - I might like to see a movie with GC called "the Goat Whisperer"... but what exactly do goats do??

[Julia]

People, read the book. It's so much better because it is the actual true stories. I am friends with the author of the book, but I didn't like this movie because they were trying to turn non-fiction into fiction. The best part of the book is that all the ridiculousness ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

Read it, you won't regret it.

[moviegoer123]

LOL, let me chech on www.barnesandnoble.com and see if they have the book because I actually didn't know it was a book. I like film adaptions.

[eyeland]

Wow, you people are really harsh - "worse (sic) movie I ever saw"? "funny but stupid"? I agree that this certainly wasn't a GREAT movie, that it was flawed, but I liked it's spirit & I found it very funny. It's true that it didn't have a strong focus & meandered, but that didn't keep individual scenes from being entertaining. I do think Ewan McGregor was miscast - he was too bland. Someone quirkier like John Cusack or maybe even Seth Rogan would have worked better. And I'm thinking that in the hands of a better director (the Coen brothers, for example), it COULD have been a great film. Anyway, if you have an open mind & a generous sense of humor (& especially if you ever dropped acid in the 60's), ignore the harsh criticisms (especially the ones from folks who haven't even seen the movie). I recommend this movie as a fun way to spend an hour & a half...

[ReddingSue]

thanks for tip eyeland.. will have to score some 'acid' or mushrooms before I rent this!

[Dennis McNamara]

We went with friends to see it without reading the reviews and wasted good money. I agree with the writer above that it was one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

[Kara]

Love your reviews, and couldn't have said this better myself. Wish I'd read this before we went, I would have waited for the Redbox release.

[Kathy Minnick]

Both my husband and I were ready to fall asleep, thats how stupid this movie was!! and I love George Clooney, but it wasn't funny at all, just very dumb!! If this is what our Army is like, no wonder we haven't won the war overseas!!