Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

More and more these days, movies are presented to us not merely as films in and of themselves, not as something as simple and strong as a single story well-told but, rather, as the first installment of the franchise the studio would like to start up and running. You can sense it in the film's shape and structure; all laborious set-up, a climax that feels more like the lead up to the halftime whistle, the introduction of too many characters and an overall feel of pained, panicked over-exertion that's about as appealing as watching your waiter grow sweat-stains under the armpit of his shirt at a restaurant.

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant is based on a series of young adult novels by Darren Shan; interestingly, or creepily, the hero's name is Darren Shan (Chris Massoglia), a good-hearted teen drawn a little to the dark, who is eager to bear witness, along with his friend Steve (Josh Hutcherson), when the creepy Cirque du Freak comes to town. One of the Cirque's lead performers, Mr. Crepsley (John C. Reilly) is a showman to die for who's never going to die; he's a vampire. And soon -- to save Steve's life -- Darren is as well, and hurled into the war between the immortal-yet-moral vampires and their bloodthirsty brethren, the vampineze, while the malevolent Mr. Tiny (Michael Cerveris) looks on waiting for a long-prophesied war to begin ... which, yes, sounds like pretty much every other work of young adult fantasy in the past 100 years, doesn't it?

Directed by Paul Weitz, there are flashes of wit and excitement in The Vampire's Assistant, like when Darren's parents lay out the triumvirate of middle-class respectability for him --"College! Job! Family!" -- and it plays out in montage. Or the casting of John C. Reilly, light and bright and breezy, as a vampire so light and lively it almost makes up for how done-to-undeath vampires are these days. Or even Hutcherson, who has a certain something you can't help but watch even as Steve goes through the friend-to-nemesis-curve a saga like this has built in.

But there's a thin sheen of flop sweat on The Vampires Assistant, as if it isn't thinking about winning you over for one film but the next four or five or however many the saga would require; it's like being on a first date and having the other party reach across the table, grab your hand too firmly and ask you if you want chicken or fish for the guests at your wedding reception. Paul Weitz and Brian Helgeland adapted The Vampire's Assistant, and they've both made and written good-to-excellent films; you can sense them working on The Vampire's Assistant as reluctant passengers caught up on the wave of Twilight mania, trying to make a freaky-but-not-too-freaky adventure tale for teens, but without even the epic idiot supernatural soap opera grandeur of the Twilight series.

The Cirque itself -- a weird, ragtag assemblage of freaks and geeks like Patrick Fugit's indie-rock loving snake-boy and Salma Hayek's clairvoyant bearded lady -- is interesting, though; too bad it all gets shoved aside in the name of vampiric nonsense and wars between good and evil and so on. The Cirque du Freak's meant to be a celebration of individuality in a world of corporate conformity; in reality, the movie built around it is a corporate product as calculated and conformist as buying bonds. The people behind The Vampire's Assistant are hoping that the ticket-buying public will come out enough to justify continuing the series; judging by the overly familiar plot, the been-there, bit-that tedium of the plot and the film's pathological avoidance of anything new or original outside of the occasional hint of humor from Reilly and the direction, I'd put better odds on your seeing a real vampire than on seeing a sequel to The Vampire's Assistant.

Comments

[Victoria Stiffler]

I read the books,, Awesome!!
I have high hopes for the movie.

[Melissa]

Haven't read the books, but I liked the movie(seen it twice).
I think that it's a bit too soon to be talking about a sequal. But as for the film I suggest you go see and remember it's geared toword the teens in the audiance.

[jgirl]

I didn't know about the books . . .
The movie, however, was very entertaining.
I don't get why the critic is so down on this movie.
Vampires are hot right now & are a great escape from the downer stories that have been flooding the theaters the last few years.
I am glad this flick was available to watch.
I liked it.
I'll rent it at Redbox & most likely buy it when it is available for purchase.
Will there be a sequel? I hope so!

[Mike]

Enjoyed the movie, being 45 it was aimed at a younger audience. Reilly's character really stole the movie, hopefully we will see more Willem Dafoe in the next installment. No I have not read the books and dont intend on it.
I say more well made sci fantasy movies are needed, after LOTR we have been in a dry spell.

[Ali Cat]

Is this movie rated PG13?

[gerald wills]

when will this be in the redbox for rental

[Locke Peterseim]

Gerald, movies usually take about four to five months from their initial theatrical release until their DVD release. My guess is you can expect to see this on DVD sometime around February.

And Ali, yes it is rated PG-13.

[john]

f#@k you if it's funny then enjoy!

John C. Reilly

[Franci]

I watched the movie this past Sunday. I LOVE John C. Reilly in this type of roll. HE totally pulled it off. And I'm not a big fan of John (except What's Eating Gilbert Grape) Anywho if John keeps on playing rolls like this (serious bad/not so bad/guy) he'll be one of my favorites. The movie . . . . WoW - I really liked it. The "assistant" was NOT much of an assistant AT ALL. I wish he would of cooperated more. Just drink the blood and stop acting up.

[Sergio A. Salinas]

where can I get the movie named Blood the last vampire I couldn't fond it would you guy's let me know in which box I can get it please thanks for your info. you guy's have real good service have a great day.

[J. Givand]

This movie was great. The critic hasn't a clue. I'm a 36 year old father of 3 little ones. We enjoyed it immmensely.

[Samantha]

These film critics crack me up. Do they realize that we are talking about a movie made for teenagers. I'm sure their going to think it's pretty cool. I watched movies growing up and liked them and look back at them now and realize they were silly. Maybe the critic should stick to reviewing movies made for his age! ;)

[Kym]

My daughter and I are in the middle of reading the series,and want to see the movie

[Aly]

I am really hoping this vampire craze will end soon. Let's be realistic here and admit this movie only came about due to Twilight. I have never been a vampire fan, and the only thing I do like is that tv show, Vampire Diaries (so far anyway). I just wish they could change up the vampire background and not have every story be so similar to one another.. I will not be seeing this flick, but if it does well, I will be impressed. The marketing for the film was pretty low, too.

[Locke Peterseim]

Sergio, you can find out what redbox near you has Blood: The Last Vampire by using the movie locator at redbox.com. Just type in your zipcode and it will tell you where to find the nearest copy.

In this case that page is: http://www.redbox.com/Titles/AvailableTitles.aspx#Detail&page=1&sort=1&titleId=2820

[DOLLIE]

Ii HAVE ONLY SEEN THE TRAILERS FOR IT SO FAR, BUT MY TASTE SELDOM AGREES WITH EVERYONE ELSE, I'M ONE OF THOSE, WHAT EVER WE ARE, PEOPLE! REALLY AM WAITING TO SEE IT. THOUGHT I WOULD JUST GO THIS WEEKEND AND SEE SOMETHING IN A MONEY TYPE SETTING! LAST ONE I EVEN BOTHEREED TO GO TO WAS THAT NEWEST x-men THING AND WAS BORED TO DEATH! i have all the other movies and if you have paid attention to them it was nearly all of that movie!! WHAT DO ANY OF YOU THINK? AND I AM AN X-MEN FAN!!

[Tim (St. Jimmy)]

I want to see this movie so bad.......even though the commercial make it look kinda like a comedy.....Ive read books 1-8 and am currenty trying to get the 9th book at my middle school...anyway dont listen to these type of film critics....every single good movie Ive seen that are on my top ten list like "Donnie Darko" a crictic has said bad things about....So if you want to see it...see it....and if you think you dont just back down a bit and listen to the critic...

[aubrea vanier]

the movie kinda looked stupid i read the books and i think they messed up the book by making the book in to a movie

[JEN]

THIS WAS THE WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN! I HAVENT WALKED OUT OF A MOVIE IN YEARS! I EXPECTED IT TO BE FUNNY AND IT WASN'T. I THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE FUN AND EXCITING AND IT WASN'T. THE STORY AS A WHOLE WAS TERRIBLE AND IT DID NOT CATCH THE INTEREST OF THE AUDIENCE! IF ANYONE CAN TELL ME WHAT WAS GOOD ABOUT THIS MOVIE, I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR WHAT IT WAS! MAYBE I MISSED IT WHILE I WAS TRYING TO THINK OF EXCUSES TO LEAVE THE THEATER!

[Z. Limerick]

I had never read the books, but I enjoyed the movie. It was very apparent that it was geared toward teens, but overall it was very well made. I wouldn't think twice about going and seeing a sequel.

[GEREMY]

I SAW THE MOVIE THIS PAST SUNDAY NEVERREAD THE BOOKS BUT THE MOVIE WAS GOOD IT PULL YOU IN TO WANT MORE

[Livia]

Looks like a weird movie, just like Twilight movie series. Haven't even seen this darn movie yet since I go to many of movies when I have time. OMG, I'm not into this vampire stuff-time travel is my thing but I won't rent either. I think Twilight is the best bet-no offense. LOL-We will just wait to see if they get this at the Redbox.