Can You Be a Better Transformer?Improve Your Giant Smashin' Robot Movie with This Cosmo redblog Quiz!

So you think you're a pretty good Transformers movie? You made more than $400 million at the box office in America alone, you're stompin' all over the DVD charts. You're looking good and doin' fine.

But are you really the best Giant Smashin' Robot Movie you can be? Are you giving your viewers everything they need in the theater or the home-entertainment center? Never fear, redblog's here to help! Just take our Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen quiz and see how you measure up!

1. With Charlton Heston dead, you need a new all-knowing, Biblical voice of authority for your film's narrator. Who do you get?

a. James Earl Jones

b. Wilford Brimley

c. A giant space robot that looks like a Peterbuilt truck

2. You are in a Transformers movie and suddenly find yourself moving in super slo-motion. What is happening?

a. Something is blowing up behind you.

b. A giant robot has died.

c. Megan Fox is running in a tank top.

3. Can you ever have too many helicopters in a movie? Y / N

4. Is there any film scene that cannot be improved by the addition of helicopters? Y / N

5. That is a lovely helicopter. May I ask where you got it? ______________________

6. In film making "establishing shots" are:

a. Long shots of a set that help the viewer understand where things are in relation to one another

b. An essential part of visual storytelling

c. For wussies

The quiz continues over the jump!

7. Which of the following is not an integral element of comedy according to Aristotle's Poetics?

a. Robot testicles

b. Robot farts

c. John Turturro's bare buttocks

d. Small dogs or robots humping things

8. Is it possible for Michael Bay to make a giant robot movie so super-mega AWESOME that even he can't watch it? Answer in 50 words or less and make sure two of them are "Mountain" and "Dew."

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9. During their freshman year, new college students should beware of:

a. The Freshman 15 weight gain

b. Spending too much time at parties that look like rap videos and not enough time studying

c. Sexually transmitted diseases

d. Cybernetic femme metales who look like seductive co-eds but are really Decepticons with pointy tails they intend to poke into your brain

10. When plotting out a Transfomers movie, what is the best way to determine the order of the scenes?

a. According to narrative logic

b. According to viewer comprehension

c. According to a 12-sided die

11. It's not a party until someone:

a. Throws up in the kitchen

b. Spills a drink on the carpet

c. Breaks one of the Great Pyramids

12. If you are a Decepticon, your plan for taking over Earth is to:

a. Activate a machine that destroys the Sun

b. Bring all the mechanical devices in the world to life

c. Stand around on top of tall building, bridges, and pyramids

13. In 50 words or less, compare the inability of viewers to truly understand what is happening and why in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen with Kant's theories of perception of the unknowable. Show your work.

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14. According to most reputable geography books and the laws of time and space, when you walk out the back of Washington, D.C.'s Smithsonian Air & Space Museum, you will find yourself in:

a. The National Mall

b. A jet "Boneyard" in the Arizona desert

c. We don't even care. Here are some more robots fighting and Megan Fox in a tank top. Now leave us alone and stop asking so many questions.

15. In a film full of amazing special-effect transformations, what is the most impressive?

a. Several construction vehicles combine to form one giant sand-sucking, pyramid-smashing robot

b. Optimus Prime is cut down and suddenly turns into dying Willem DaFoe in Platoon

c. Megan Fox is turned from a would-be adult entertainer into a celebrity "actress"

16. If you are Shia LaBeouf, how would you know if you have died and gone to Robot Heaven?

a. You find yourself surrounded by 70 virgin Autobots

b. Michael Bay stops yelling at you

c. You no longer have to appear in Transformers 3

17. Place the following words and phrases in their correct spots in the sentence below:

ENERGON        CYBERTRON        THE DAGGER'S TIP        HATCHLINGS

THE FALLEN    THE PRIMES         ALL-SPARK CUBE          SUN HARVESTER

                                        MATRIX OF LEADERSHIP KEY

"One day, I was walking down the street in ____________________ with ________________, when I suddenly saw someone had dropped their _______________________. I could see it was covered with ______________________ so I immediately called ________________________ and told them to get there asap and to be sure to bring the ______________________________. I knew we had to get a hold of the ________________________ and stop the ______________________ before all of _______________________ was destroyed. So we did and then we went and stood on an aircraft carrier and everything was okay. The End."

Comments

[Matthew S.]

Whooo...that was fun...are you wanting our responses then I take it?

[Matthew S.]

What happened to the post about All Saint's Day?

[Locke Peterseim]

Well, for one thing, Matthew, despite opening on 70 screens nation-wide, Boondock Saints II is NOT playing ANYWHERE in the Midwest--only on the East and West coasts. (Nor was it screened for critics, obviously.)

Nor have I found anyone other than Fiivoren to really talk to about WHY fans love it so much. And when I do find a handful of folks, it will no doubt take a few days or a week to do e-mail interviews, etc and pull the whole thing together. Or I might just do a commentary piece myself on the two films once I rewatch/see them. IF, that is, I still feel like doing it.

And I still need to see Boondock Saints I again--it's been a few years.

In other words, don't hold your breath...lol