G-Force

And here I thought guinea pigs could make anything better.  How depressed am I to realize that isn't so?

You might remember from my look at the G-Force trailer back in January that my hopes were high for this particular Disney action-adventure-comedy as I had pet guinea pigs during high school and college. There will always be a soft spot in my heart for these squeaky, lovable little furballs, but unfortunately "Bruckheimered" guinea pigs are not nearly as awesome as the real thing.  G-Force is the first family film I've seen in a long time that simply doesn't offer much for adults -- its plot was generic and clichéd, most of its characters were forgettable, and its dialogue... good Lord, don't even get me started on that.  Everyone involved in this movie clearly phoned in their efforts.  Will kids get that impression, though?  Probably not.  Younger audiences will most likely be happy with the nearly constant action, the high-energy soundtrack and the heaping load of 3D effects.  I'm just bitter because I feel like the entire cavy species got the shaft.  

Zach Galifianakis -- last seen in a very compromising position during the end credits of The Hangover -- kicks off G-Force as Ben, a lowly government employee responsible for training a team of gadget-wearing guinea pigs (who can communicate with humans, thanks to one of those gizmos) for covert missions.  They're trying to stop power-hungry businessman Leonard Saber (Bill Nighy) from launching something called Operation Clusterstorm (can you guess what similar term came to my mind?), but Will Arnett's perpetually angry FBI Agent decides to shut the G-Force down. 

That's certainly not going to stop the mini-militia from putting an end to Saber's evil plan, though... even after the team ends up in a pet store.  Led by the serious Darwin (Sam Rockwell), Juarez (Penélope Cruz), Blaster (Tracy Morgan) and Speckles the mole (Nicolas Cage, whose voice is unrecognizable) must determine how to bust out of captivity in order to save the world.  Will longtime pet store residents Hurley (a chubby, mohawked guinea pig voiced by Jon Favreau) and Bucky (a paranoid, hyper hamster voiced by Steve Buscemi) be a help or a hindrance?  I guess it depends on how much you value fart jokes, for which Hurley provides plenty of fodder.

As the piggies try to reunite with Ben and carry out their mission, their adventures lead to several bass-pumping action sequences (usually set to 'Boom Boom Pow' or 'I Gotta Feeling' by the Black Eyed Peas) that are kind of fun to watch... but partially ruined by lame exchanges such as "I can't get these guys off my tail!" / "We don't HAVE tails!!!"  Morgan's character does little more than throw out exclamations like "Pimp my ride!" and Cruz's cavy is going to remind you that she's a feisty Latina at every possible opportunity.  Meanwhile, you've got perhaps one of the most random choices for voice-work ever -- Sam Rockwell -- playing the straight-man--er, pig.  The only person who really brought anything to his role was Buscemi, whose exasperated hamster served up at least a few honest laughs.

Since G-Force is targeted at younger audiences, I think I would've been more tolerant of its ho-hum plot, its shallow characters and its tired one-liners if there hadn't been so many Giving Kids Really Bad Ideas Scenes.  As an animal lover, I can't help but cringe when guinea pigs -- even though they're animated -- are shown getting their nails painted, being forced to wear lipstick, being put in remote-controlled cars or getting tossed in cages with snakes... all by their young owners.  Later in the movie there's a scene where Bucky is locked in a microwave.  All that was going through my mind while watching these sequences was, "Please please please don't let me hear of any kids trying this with their own pets. What was Disney thinking?!?"   (Before you shrug and say that I'm worrying about nothing, let's not forget about the fourteen-year-old who tried drinking fuel for the past several years because he wanted to be a Transformer -- these things happen, folks.)

If I get past the CGI-animal endangerment and all of the other issues I had with G-Force, can I recommend it to parents who are simply looking to keep their children entertained for a few hours?  Sure -- it's not the worst family film I've ever seen, but let me remind you of some others out there either in theaters or on DVD that are all significantly better and provide something for viewers of all ages:  Wall-E, Kung Fu Panda, Madagascar 2, City of Ember, Bolt, Beverly Hills Chihuahua and of course Up.  My point is, you've got options, and all of them are better than G-Force.

Comments

[Locke Peterseim]

It was Nic Cage's Peggy Sue Got Married voice!! LOL

[Ben]

I disagree totally. For kids, G-Force is definitely better than Wall-E or Beverly Hill Chi???

[Craig P]

My wife, two daughters and myself really enjoyed the movie! It's not to often we all agree on a movie so I was very pleased! If you are an adult and see this movie without kids you made a mistake this is a fun family movie. Most people in the theater were very please I could tell by the chatter on the way out the door!

[Carla]

Yes, I have to agree...I was sorely disappointed! I had hamsters, somewhat like guinea pigs, and have a soft spot for these little creatures also. The trailers set it up to be an hour and a half full of laughs, but not so. I think they used all the funny parts in the trailers, so what's to look forward to?

[Tom]

When I saw the trailer, I could tell it looked like a stinker. But...I have a 8 yr. old grandson that wanted to see it.

I've seen a lot of animated movies the past few years, and "G Force" rates right down at the bottom with the likes of "Shark Boy and Lava Girl".

If I had to see these in a double feature....well, gouging my eyes out sounds better.

[daniel]

i actually loved the film like it's not like most kids will jump a cliff because they see it in a movie i mean come on

[Amy]

I saw this movie with my four year old and mother. We all enjoyed it and found it funny. My daughter laughed at the kid jokes and there was plenty of humor left for the adults.

[tonya]

seriously i have not seen the g force movie but the movies from disney are suppose to be action packed and entertaining for the kids,sorry that you were dissapointed but really if you want a movie to entertain you dont go to a disney movie and then write a whole speech on it..hello disney is for kids...and as for the kids following the plots in the movie kids have n=been watching that stuff for years including us watching tom and jerry and road runner it is all animated and unreal that is what is entertaining

[Lea Jones]

The overall worst animated film (with really great animation) I've ever seen... Characterization and dialogue were putrid beyond belief. The longest 92 minutes of my life, except for maybe when I had a root canal.

My son liked it, sort of.

[misty]

it looks sooo cool!!!!!

[p. sawdy]

This was the best kid movie this year. My sister am I took eight kids to it, age 2-15. All of them enjoyed it and they all sat through the entire movie. I have never experienced that before. LOVED IT!!!!!

[Barbara Giffin]

I totally disagree! The action and cute, real-looking animals kept my daughter and I on the edge of our seats the entire time!

[leda]

I totally disagre
with carla the movie so much fun my kids loved it!!

[Crystal]

I was also highly disappointed. It was boring and I found that even my 8 year old didn't even want to talk about it after the movie, which is highly unusual. We usually talk about the movie all the way home and then in the following days. Overall I say this movie is highly forgetable.

[Cal]

What a group of polarized reviews! Kinda reminds me of a recent election ;) Now I'm going to have to see it to determine which way my "swing vote" goes...

[Jennifer]

Horrible movie - my 6 y/o was begging to leave the theater after 45 minutes. The only funny parts were the ones we had already seen in the trailer. Wait & rent it for a buck at Red Box if you think you simply must see it. Otherwise, I recommend skipping it all together.

[Anita]

I just saw the movie over the weekend, and thought it was great low-keyed movie for lots of laugh, I use to have a guinea pig as a teenager. I loved the movie, it is a disney movie and that is what you got to keep in mind. It was made for kids and yes the acting was on a kids level. Yes It didn't have the crude adult humor as some of the pixar movies such as ice age and madagascar. But face it disney is for kids I would love to go see the 3D format I think it would be awesome. Dont believe some of the above neg reviews go see it for yourself.

[Jenny]

My kid can't even watch the trailer; she says it looks boring. I couldn't agree more. This looks & sounds like a movie made by people who don't like people.

[Jenny]

Anita: Pixar didn't make Ice Age or Madagascar; they make the good movies, like Wall-E and Up. Please, please get this right.

[Jason]

Nah, I think you're right. Between all those animation movies I understand that there is a couple of good ones. But G-Force? Seriously, that movie is a piece of crap! I won't let my children watch it because it's simply too mindless

[Nancy]

What is it with Disney and their obsession with fart jokes? The Disney I grew up with never resorted to such crass measures and still managed to beautifully entertain both children and adults. Pick Wall-E instead: I could watch that movie again and again.

[Beckie]

I took my 8 year old daughter to see G-Force and we loved it. It is a movie that I would pay to go see again!! I would rate it up there with Alvin and the Chipmonks and that was one of the best movies I have seen in years. If you want to see a good family movie this is the one to see.. But it was best in 3-D.

[silvis]

i would love to see this movie i would like to know when i can see it at a REDBOX rental

[Locke Peterseim]

Silvis, as I said in response to your Perfect Getaway question, on the average these days it's about 4-5 months between when a film is released in theaters and when it arrives on DVD. Studios usually don't nail down a DVD release date for a film until a couple months after it's left theaters. So we don't have an exact date for G-Force, but I'm guessing it will be around the holidays.

[Chris Clarkson]

This was probably the worst movie I've ever seen. I went with my son and daughter who are 10 and 7 respectively and even they found it boring. The only positive was I got some sleep before my night shift.

[Chris Clarkson]

Also Tom's post is hilarious when he says
"I've seen a lot of animated movies the past few years, and "G Force" rates right down at the bottom with the likes of "Shark Boy and Lava Girl".

If I had to see these in a double feature....well, gouging my eyes out sounds better."