Big Badness: Buffy Reboots Without Whedon?

Have a seat, kids. I have something I need to tell you.

In Hollywood the desire to make money is greater than the desire to make good films.

I know. It's a shock to us all. If you need to talk to someone, counselors will be available.

While that sinks in, let me tell you a little story.

Seventeen years ago a young writer from the Roseanne show named Joss Whedon sold a movie script about a cute Valley-girl cheerleader who slayed vampires. The main joke was that her name was Buffy, because it sounded funny to say Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

The film ended up featuring Kristy Swanson (she was going to be a big star, just ask Kristy Swanson) and a guy from 90210, plus a couple old guys from better movies. It was directed by Fran Rubel Kuzui, who would later go on to direct...well, nothing. The best part about the movie was an extended death scene by then-scandalized Paul "Pee-Wee" Ruebens.

But then five years later there was a brand new TV network that had a singing and dancing frog as its mascot. Just having a singing, dancing frog was not enough--this new network needed some shows! So Mr. Whedon, no longer quite as young, took the Buffy the Vampire Slayer and reworked it as a TV show. Fran Rubel Kuzui still owned the rights to the property, so she became a producer but had nothing whatsoever to do with the creation of the show.

The TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer starred Sarah Michelle Geller as the demon-dusting cheerleader and built a fine cast around her. It turned out to be very funny. And touching. And epic. And kinda brilliant. Buffy was a human girl who accidentally fell in love with a heroic, handsome, dark, brooding vampire guy, played by the guy from Bones. He was so good at brooding and not being able to love right, that he got his own spin-off series called Angel that, after a few bumpy seasons, also became very funny and touching and epic and kinda brilliant.

Buffy developed a large, devoted, even rabid cult following and was so brilliant it even got canceled by it's first new little network and was then picked up and aired by an even newer, littler TV network--one that did not have any sort of singing, dancing creatures.

But Sarah Michelle Geller was too big for a silly TV show with a silly name--she was a Movie Star! She even married a Movie Star! So eventually Buffy ended, then a couple years later so did Angel.

Wait! The story's not over! There's more over the jump!

Mr. Whedon, most definitely no longer young, went on to create Firefly, another very good TV show that didn't even make it half a season on yet another network. But then he directed a movie version of it called Serenity that was also very good and that people went out of their way not to see. He has a new film coming out this fall called Cabin in the Woods. Maybe some people will go see that one.

Now Mr. Whedon has a new show on TV called Dollhouse that is kinda okay. Somehow it is surviving for a second season. Probably because it's not that funny, touching, epic, or brilliant. Mr. Whedon also created an eighth season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, only he did it in a comic book that--unlike almost every other comic book based on a TV show--is actually funny, touching, and a bit epic and brilliant at times.

Meanwhile, Sarah Michelle Geller, or SMG, or "Smidge" is a very big Movie Star. Perhaps you saw her in the Scooby-Doo movies? Or Cruel Intentions? Or The Grudge? Wait, all those films were at least five years ago. How about Southland Tales? Hmmm... or Possession? No, wait... that one's release keeps getting delayed... Well, I'm sure you saw The Return? The Air I Breathe? Suburban Girl? No? Well, trust me... trust her, she's a Very Big Movie Star.

The message of this story is that Joss Whedon is a very talented writer and creator whose work doesn't always get the big breaks. He took a silly idea and a pretty lackluster movie and turned them into some of the best shows on television of the past 15 years that aren't called Battlestar Galactica, The Wire, The Sopranos, or Deadwood. He is sort of a pale, pasty, kinda-lumpy man-god to many of us who like things that are funny, touching, epic, and brilliant.

Well last year there started to be rumors that maybe Joss Whedon was interested in making a new Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie that would pick up where the TV show left off. Surprisingly, Ms. Smidge was interested! Turns out being a Very Big Movie Star is hard work! Maybe playing a character named Buffy wasn't such a bad gig, after all!

Aside from Ms. Smidge's dazzling Movie-Star career choices, there are two new reasons Hollywood is suddenly interested in making a new movie about a human girl who loves a heroic, handsome, dark, brooding vampire guy. Those reasons are "Twi" and "Light."

But while rumors swirled all winter about the possibility of such a wonderful Buffy film, in the spring Mr. Whedon said it wasn't going to happen. Once again, no-longer-young-at-all Mr. Whedon had found that Hollywood did not want to make the kind of funny, touching, epic, brilliant projects he was interested in.

But wait, kids! Were you paying close attention to the story? Remember? Joss Whedon doesn't actually own the rights to Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Remember Ms. Fran Rubel Kuzui? The one who hasn't really done anything in Hollywood since directing the first movie version of Buffy 17 years ago? Turns out she owns the rights! Yay! And Ms. Kuzui read and saw Twilight... and Ms. Kuzui is not about to let such a fine opportunity to cash in just float on by!

And so, finally, we get to the best part of this long, fun, fascinating tale. Ms. Kuzui is now going to go ahead and try to make a Buffy the Vampire Slayer feature film. That in no way involves Joss Whedon. That has nothing to do with any characters (other than Buffy) from the TV series, or any of those actors. That would instead go back and reboot the first feature film. Because it was so good. Maybe Kristy Swanson can be lured away from never working to make a cameo appearance! And it will be "darker"! More broody! Maybe the vampires' skin could get all sparkly in the sunlight!

Those of you who have listened to my tales of geeky woe before will recall that a very similar thing is also happening with Battlestar Galactica. This is such a fun new Hollywood game. Create a kind of crappy project. Then when it fades away, let someone new come in and turn the original kinda crappy project into something new and very creatively exciting. Oooh, look! Now people like it! Because it's better, all with the creativeness and the smartness!

But sometimes better is hard. Sometimes better is full of ideas and humor that makes people use their brains. Ooooh, that makes people's heads hurt a little. We can't ask people to watch things that are smart and creative! They'll get bored and go watch Cleavage of the Stars or shows about people who have too many babies!

But there's money to be made now that this once-crappy idea has regained some creative credibility. So let's go back to the first, kinda crappy ideas! We'll get some Big Movie Stars to appear in them and spend a lot of money on fast-food toys and marketing and then everyone will want to like it some more! And we'll all be rich! This will work! This is how Hollywood works!

Yay.

Comments

[Kelsey]

I think my smile is stuck to my face hahaha
Great article.

Joss - how I love thee.

[Melissa]

God, I do love a long form, well-crafted sarcastic rant. It gives me a warm feeling inside, like Christmas. Or, like Christmas is supposed to feel to those that don't loathe Christmas.

[Sharesa]

I have to admit that was interesting. I'm very curious why they have to remake a seriously stupid movie that was seriously stupid when it was made all those years ago, when there are great books out there to be made into movies. I even have one in mind (betcha didn't see that one coming). Meg by Steve Alten. This movie has been an ongoing process for a while. Now if someone can just get it off the ground. Any ideas? Not including the idiots that think remaking "Buffy" would be oh so exciting.

[Jason]

Locke, why did you have to go and depress me like that?

Also, you should have mentioned Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along blog!

[Locke Peterseim]

You are SO right, Jason! I completely FORGOT to mention Dr. Horrible! I had intended all winter to write a piece about it in particular and never got to it.

For those of you who don't know, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog is a fantastic short musical film that Whedon wrote and directed out of creative frustration during the writers' strike back in '07-'08. It stars Neil Patrick Harris, Felicia Day, and Firefly's Nathan Fillion and is, like so much of Whedon's stuff, both hilarious and heartbreaking.

If you haven't already seen it, check it out here:

http://drhorrible.com/mushortio.html

and learn more about it here:

http://drhorrible.com/

It is very much with the goodness.

[Martha]

What a let down. I was really hoping they would bring Buffy back to TV or at least a movie. I have missed it. Thanks for the heads up on the evil plot to remasticate the original movie. I will make a point of skipping it.

[Locke Peterseim]

Of course, there is the possibility that Kuzui's evil (i.e. greedy) plan will fail. At this point she has a production company that WANTS to make a Whedon-less Buffy--they still don't have a studio, and even then, as we all know (heck, as JOSS well knows) so many things can still go wrong.

Or go right. My impression is that Whedon was in talks all winter with Kuzui about doing something with a big-screen Buffy and that things fell apart over creative differences. (I'm guessing--just guessing--that the phrase "it needs to be more like Twilight!!" came up more than once...)

It's always possible that some day Whedon could return to the project. At this point, this comment, to EW's Michael Ausiello, is his only--very diplomatic--statement on the new project: "I hope it's cool." (http://ausiellofiles.ew.com/2009/05/a-joss-less-buf.html)

[kristin]

@Melissa - that was the best comment I've read in weeks! Thanks! (and no, that isn't sarcastic).

I'm one of those strange people that loved the original Buffy movie but could never really get into the TV Show (can't stand SMG). I don't really think a reboot is necessary (it really wasn't THAT good to begin with), but I guess since everything else is being remade these days, why not. I doubt I'll spend any $ on it though.

[Locke Peterseim]

Who among us would like to gently but firmly school Kristen on the mega-genius that is the BVS (and Angel) series? We can take turns, if you like...

Thing is, Kristen, most hard-core Buffy fans can't really stand SMG either. ("Smidge" is NOT a term of endearment.) She does fine in the series, she plays the part well, but she's only truly GREAT in a few key moments over the course of seven seasons (and most of them involve her crying--must be those soap-opera roots).

No, it's the REST of the cast that REALLY makes the show sparkle--Anthony Stewart Head, Allyson Hennigan, James Marsters, even folks who aren't the best of actors outside the Buffyverse--sorry, Nicky Brendon and Charisma Carpenter!--are stellar on the show. And I'm sure any of us fans could go on all day listing other Buffy regulars we love (Seth Green! Emma Caulfield!).

But mostly, it's the writing that will hook you and keep you. We're not kidding--Joss is a man-god in schlumpy human form! And he populated his writing staff with other little man- and woman-godlings...

I will say this--if we convince you to give Buffy another shot, Kristen, be patient with the first half-season (season 1's 12 eps) -- like most shows, Buffy took a season to really find it's groove.

But by season two (the Buffy-Angel tragic love tale) and season three (Faith and the Mayor) things were hitting amazing heights. (As for season 4... er... well... every show has it's low points... season 5 is a fine return to form, and then things get a bit more uneven in seasons 6 and 7... but even the 'bad' or 'off' seasons have their gems.)

[kristin]

Wow Locke, what a convincing argument! 7 seasons though? How the heck will I manage that with my existing TV addiction schedule? I guess it is summer and I can squeeze it in somewhere. BTW, my name is KristIn with an I, not an E. No worries, everyone seems to do that. I blame my parents.

[Locke Peterseim]

I blame your parents, too, Kristin.

Says the guy who's parents named him "Locke"

I tried to start re-watching Buffy and Angel a few years ago, but then got side-tracked by trying to re-watch The Wire, which in turn got side-tracked by trying to re-watch The West Wing. Now I also have two seasons of Friday Night Lights to catch up on... and I keep swearing some day I'll give all of Lost another shot...

Not to mention the never ending stream of cheesy drive-in dvds to review for redblog.

It's probably best if I just never leave my apartment again.

[Melissa]

I don't understand how anyone with a brain and a soul could watch the "Buffy" and Angel series and not completely fall in love with the characters that Joss Whedon created. He is an absolute genius. I would love to see anything that picked up where these shows left off. As long as Joss was writing it. No one else should be allowed to touch HIS work.

[Locke Peterseim]

Exactly, Melissa. Though at least to the Kuzuis' credit, they are not going to mess with Joss's characters--no Scooby Gang, no Angel, no Giles or Spike... It would be a complete reboot with JUST the title character. Of course, who wants to see THAT?

I think this is some brinksmanship going on--my guess is the Kuzuis want Whedon involved--they know his name is the mark of quality and will keep the fans happy. However, my guess is that the kind of Buffy film they want to make (a cheap rip-off of Twilight... which, of course itself is a cheap rip-off of Buffy) did not appeal to Joss and those "creative differences" drove him away.

So now the Kuzuis are saying "well, we'll make a Buffy film WITHOUT you," in hopes that this will pull Whedon back to the project. (The Kuzuis keep saying in interviews that they hope Whedon will come back to the project.) Whedon's only public response: "I hope it's cool."

[Jason]

Locke, what are your thoughts on Dollhouse, his current series? Have you seen it? Is it brilliant? I've heard it kind of sucks for something that's his. Of course, I heard this on Penny Arcade, so...

[Locke Peterseim]

I skipped Dollhouse during it's airing (it's a long story involving Tivo, the big switch to digital broadcasting, my cable company, and the fact I kept Tivo-ing Friday Night Lights, even though I'm two seasons behind on IT). I know that's blasphemous given all I've said about my love for Whedon, but it seemed sort of humorless...

However, I've been catching up watching Dollhouse via the Interwebs and have seen the first five episodes. It's uneven (but so was Buffy not only its first season, but really all through its entire run--and the first and second seasons of Angel are a mess) and it IS mostly humorless (again, so was Angel it's first season). But so far about every other episode works as pretty decent mystery/thriller TV.

There are lots of Whedon-isms (and Whedon actors), there's a Big Bad arc building, and for the most part it's entertaining and engaging. What I've seen so far is NOT Whedon Genius... but then, as I said, neither were the first seasons of Buffy and Angel. (Only Firefly dazzled right out of the gate.)

So I'm definitely interested in seeing the rest of the season (perhaps someone else here can speak to it before I get it finished) and then the new season next fall.

[Jason]

I ask because I had purchased season 1 on iTunes solely based on his prior work. I never saw much of Buffy or Angel. That was all before I even knew who the guy was. (My bais against them was mostly because of the network they were on) Also, every Whedon fan I know personally, became a fan shortly before Serenity due to rampant internet buzz.

[Locke Peterseim]

Well, Firefly (and Serenity) is a great way to get a taste of really good Whedon without investing hundreds of hours in watching Buffy and Angel (at least not YET...). Firefly is pretty great all the (very short) way through, whereas Buffy and Angel, naturally, have some off episodes (and entire 'off' seasons)... But then, Buffy and Angel also hit MUCH greater emotional highs, numerous times. They really are his masterpieces, flaws and all...

[Kathryn Ann]

You're a satiric genius!

[Locke Peterseim]

Hmmm, via TV Overmind:

http://www.tvovermind.com/tv-news/buffys-coming-back/5625

(thanks for the Twitter tip, @WhedonFanNews)

So an animated Buffy TV show, not based on the original Buffy kids's show idea from a decade ago, but on the "Season Eight" comics currently out? With at least SOME Joss involvement?

(It's not clearly exactly WHICH Buffy comics would be used--there have been numerous Buffy comic series over the years--but I'm guessing Season 8 as that is the most cohesive, the best-written, the most LIKE the original series in tone and plot, AND the one Joss had the biggest creative hand in.)

(Ironically, a recent issue of the comic WAS drawn, script- and art-wise from the original animated Buffy concept.)