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Grab Your Gun and Bring the Cat In, Starbuck

As you may have heard, Universal is talking about making a Battlestar Galactica feature film. Now I know that complaining about remakes is technically Erika's territory here at redblog, but I have a big emotional investment in this one.

On the surface this news isn't a big deal. Since the critical success of the Ron Moore's mid-'00s remastering of the old '70s TV show, there has often been talk of doing new Galactica TV films. But the catch here is that this new project would not be headed up by Moore.

You see, seven or eight years ago there were two separate Galactica relaunches being proposed by two different groups. One was created by Moore and eventually became the current (utterly amazing, staggering, brilliant) television series on the Sci-Fi Channel (which is part of the NBC/Universal media family). The other Galactica project was spearheaded by the original Galactica creator Glen A. Larson. (Richard Hatch, who played Apollo in the original series, was also trying to get his own relaunch off the ground. But then Moore gave Hatch a meaty role in his new series--that of former human terrorist/revolutionary Tom Zarek.)

Well now Moore's Sci-Fi Galactica is winding down to its last few (amazing, staggering, brilliant) episodes. And all of a sudden Universal says it's talking with Larson again about a Galactica feature film that would have nothing whatsoever to do with Moore's TV version. No human-looking Cylons, no female Starbuck, no heady discussions of religion, torture, terrorism, or civil rights.

Now on the surface, that's a good thing -- Larson created a fun, cheesy Star Wars substitute back in the late '70s--I personally loved it as a kid, filled my room with Galactica plastic ship models. But it's a good bet that anything Larson does today with the Galactica concept is err on the side of safe, silly trash again -- certainly nothing approaching the moral, political, and theological complexity of Moore's new series. So the good news is Larson won't be mucking around in the genius work Moore has done.

(And to be fair, when Moore's Galactica mini-series first appeared in 2003, I was just sure it was going to be awful--just another silly remake. Then five minutes in the Cylon Caprica Six snapped the neck of a human baby just to see how it felt, and I was hooked.)

The bad news is that for the past five years, us fans of Moore's new Galactica have had to patiently put up with folks chiding us about how bad the old Loren Greene Galactica was. And then we have to carefully explain how much better and smarter and more powerful this new Galactica is. And then we look like obsessive, pedantic geeks.

Whenever people get all worked up over a remake, I always tell them the same two things: 1) you'll still always have the original, and 2) sometimes remakes actually turn out to be pretty great (as in Zach Snyder's Dawn of the Dead and, well, Moore's Galactica).

But if Universal and Larson go ahead with a feature film that is not connected in any way to Moore's vision, and if--as I fear--that film is a dumbed down, goofy special effects spectacle that goes nowhere near the intelligence of Moore's version, then us fans of the Moore Galactica are going to be stuck right back where we started. Having to explain again and again that the Sci-Fi Galactica is really, really frakkin' good, despite what most folks will have seen or heard about other versions.

And we'll still look like obsessive, pedantic geeks.

What Just Happened

Film producer Ben (Robert De Niro) has been having a run of bad luck.  His new movie was horribly received at a critical test screening, he suspects his second ex-wife (Robin Wright Penn) is cavorting with one of his colleagues, his daughter (Kristen Stewart) seems troubled but won't open up to him, and Bruce Willis -- the lead in Ben's next film -- refuses to shave his ridiculous beard before cameras start rolling.  Unfortunately, it's really hard to sympathize with Ben... or any of the other miserable characters in this adaptation of Art Linson's memoir, What Just Happened? Bitter Hollywood Tales from the Front Line.  Over the course of its one hour and forty-four minute running time, I found myself asking a different question, and that question was, "Why should I care?"  If you're not actually a part of the Tinseltown machine, chances are you'll find this satire from director Barry Levinson (Rain Man, Wag the Dog) -- whose films I typically love -- indulgent and boring.

But if you are a huge movie geek -- and by that I mean someone who enjoys learning about (or has firsthand experience in) the behind-the-scenes drama that comes along with film production -- then What Just Happened may be more palatable to you than it would be to the vast majority of people who wouldn't get all of its inside-baseball jokes and references.  Still, it can't hold a candle to Robert Altman's 1992 Hollywood-skewering The Player, nor is it as entertaining as the HBO series Entourage.  In fact, all of its best scenes are given away in its trailer.  So watch that instead and save yourself the frustration of spending nearly two hours with a bunch of painfully self-obsessed characters who have no clue that they're nothing more than spoiled brats.

Woe is Matlock.

There's a little-publicized film opening this weekend (only in Florida, for reasons that will become clear shortly) called Play the Game, and after watching its trailer, I fully understand why it escaped my radar until now.  While its premise is cute -- a suave ladies' man schools his grandpa in the ways of love -- some of the scenes below are downright cringe-inducing.  Warning: if you can't stomach Viagra jokes, especially when they're dished out by Andy Griffith, do not press play. 

I'm shocked that this one will even be playing in theaters -- it has "Direct to DVD" written all over it. Granted, its debut this weekend is limited to retirement communities in The Sunshine State, but still. I'm also surprised that it attracted the talent it did: Paul Campbell (Battlestar Galactica), Marla Sokoloff (well, OK, she hasn't really done much of note since her time on The Practice), Liz Sheridan (Mama Seinfeld!), Doris Roberts (Everybody Loves Raymond, for which she won four Emmys) and of course Mr. Andy Griffith, who should need no introduction. I understand that everyone's got to pay the bills, but it does make me sad to see Griffith playing a character that makes the type of pervy jokes that are at the end of this trailer.

The good news is that it looks like he had a blast filming Play the Game, and he's even launched a new Internet sensation -- The Dancing Grandpa.  Which is significantly better than that nightmare-inducing Dancing Baby of the '90s...

Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience

There's a classic Simpsons episode where Lisa pages through picture after picture of her favorite teen heartthrobs in "Non-Threatening Boy Magazine," and I couldn't help but think of that while watching Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience surrounded by an audience who probably weren't born when that episode first aired in 1993. The Jonas boys, Nick, Joe and Kevin, are non-threatening but they're not exactly neutered, either; they've spoken about their 'purity rings,' and decision to shun sex and drugs and alcohol, but don't harp on about it so much they might seem creepy and clenched. They make affable, sing-along pop songs, but the songs are actually better-written than they have to be, and they give every indication that they might actually be involved in the writing of those songs and not just adorable puppets. The Walt Disney Corporation has essentially made the Jonas boys into a corporate commodity, which your teens and pre-teens will be exposed to through their multi-level marketing machine, so part of me just wants to bow to the inevitable, shrug and note how it could, in fact, be far worse.

And I appreciated that fully watching Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience, the new concert film and not-quite-documentary that brings the boys into the theater in eye-popping high-definition 3D. I joked that the Jonas Brothers in 3D had a minimal appeal for me -- "It's like being in the same room as something to which you're largely indifferent!" -- but within the first few moments, I was curiously won over, as the brothers take to the streets in a sequence plainly lifted from A Hard Day's Night. I found myself oddly touched by the effort the trio and director Bruce Hendricks were taking to steal from appropriate sources. And the 3D is great -- impressive and exciting but (aside from the occasional guitar pick launched out at the audience like a bullet from a gun) never overly showy. And the footage is in such rich and complete focus that it's a little freaky; I found myself keeping track of every time Kevin broke a guitar string, for example.

Into the Wasteland: Fourth Weekend of April

It's been a long, hard road, but we've managed to arrive at the end of our Wasteland coverage.*  When April draws to a close, birds will be singing, temperatures will be rising, and the spectacle of summer's cinematic offerings will be right around the corner. Rejoice!

As always, you can take a walk down memory lane and review all of our previous Wasteland entries here.  But we're ready to see what the fourth weekend of April has in store.

April 24

The Soloist  -- A journalist (Robert Downey, Jr.) befriends a schizophrenic homeless man (Jamie Foxx) who turns out to be a classical musician. Based on a true story, and directed by Joe Wright (Atonement, Pride & Prejudice).

Locke says: Downey, Jr. snags my attention here by the slimmest of threads. Otherwise I'd have no use for what appears--at least in the marketing--to be just another shameless, Shine-esque pander fest. (First Downey, Jr. mocks actors' love of awards in Tropic Thunder and ends up getting nominated for it. Now it appears we have to slather another layer of irony on Kirk Lazarus's infamous speech about how to--and how not to--win an Oscar for playing a mentally challenged person.) I hope I'm wrong about this one--there are elements of it that seem very interesting, especially its leads.

Erika says: Ready the Kleenex!  This one's going to be a tearjerker -- I just know it.  Its release date had been kicked around a bit, so I actually saw its trailer months ago on the big screen when it had been scheduled to open in November 2008.  Murmurs ran through the audience about how good it looked, and I have to agree.  Even though Jamie Foxx annoys the living bejeezus out of me whenever I see him interviewed, there's no denying that the man can act.  As can Downey Jr.  In fact, there had been major Oscar buzz for this film when it was supposed to debut last year.  Are those hopes dashed now that it's wallowing in the Wasteland?

Our take on more April 24 releases can be found after the jump...

Your Thursday Threes

If you haven't played the Threes before, here's how Thursdays go: I give you three movie titles, you be the first to post the correct answer in the comments.

And then? If you're first you win the privilege of making and then proudly wearing your very own homemade construction-paper medal! Just ask previous winners--they're dazzling! (Well, assuming you put some effort--and glitter--into it.)

What actor was in these three films?

Rustlers' Rhapsody

A Face in the Crowd

Waitress

I've HAD IT with Remakes!

I was hit with a double-whammy of "say it ain't so!" news this morning: two of my favorite films from decades past -- The NeverEnding Story (1984) and Total Recall (1990) -- are going to be remade.  Why, God, why???

I had finally calmed down after suffering several nightmares about the Footloose and The Karate Kid remakes... and now this?  It's like The Powers That Be in Hollywood want to torture Gen Xers or something.

Truth be told, I feel partially responsible for the NeverEnding Story part of this travesty and am cursing myself for putting the idea for an updated take on this children's fantasy film out into the blogosphere back in October.  However, I concluded in that post that "I would just end up decrying a new NeverEnding Story in addition to probably losing sleep over it.  In my heart, I believe that there is only one Bastian, one Atreyu and one Childlike Empress, and they are all still living in the original film's version of Fantasia."

Apparently fellow thirtysomething Leonardo DiCaprio doesn't share my concerns.  His production company, Appian Way, is said to be in talks with Warner Brothers about the project. 

Five Easy Pieces

It's a cruel transition that only happens in the movies, it seems, where you can be so good at doing something that you no longer get to do it. We turn actors -- real talents who can become anyone -- into movie stars, at which point we no longer ask them to act and become anyone and instead merely require them to show up and be themselves. It's the most tender trap of all, and there aren't a lot of actors who avoid it -- and it's something I couldn't help but think of watching Five Easy Pieces, the 1970 drama that gave Jack Nicholson one of his first standout roles as Robert Dupea. Robert's a gifted musician from an elite family who we first meet working in the sun-burned oilfields of California, far from privilege and ease, shacked up with a pouting waitress names Rayette (Karen Black) who keeps asking him to say he loves her and gets only silence in return. ...

Five Easy Pieces, helmed by '70s moviemaking icon Bob Rafelson (who directed '70s classics like The King of Marvin Gardens but also gave us The Monkees) and written by Carole Eastman, is a character study and a unforced, natural drama that works even though it shouldn't. Roger Ebert, in his review, calls it "the first Sundance movie," and in his way he hits it on the head -- it's a rambling, talky-but-silent road trip with plenty of long scenes and disorienting leaps in the editing and story that covers more mental geography than physical miles on the road. But it's not some nerdy, niche film either; Five Easy Pieces earned four Oscar nominations, for Original Screenplay, Best Picture and acting nods for both Nicholson and Black. Five Easy Pieces makes for fascinating watching because while you can see Nicholson becoming Nicholson, you can also see him really playing a part -- the bursts of riveting, rough intensity are there, but they're tempered by a sadness that Nicholson would lose sight of in later performances. By the '80s, audiences and studios ensured Nicholson played the guy who always won; in 1970, Nicholson could still play a man who knew how much he could lose.

Tuesday Threes: The Answer

AaronC takes down his second Threes in a row -- one more, Aaron and you'll be tied with Elaine (Linda) McDermott for the overall title (and win streak).

Also getting it correct was Harold, Kelli, longtime Threes players JimD and Joanna Grimes, and Paul.

Aaron gets to fashion himself a homemade construction-paper medal, but really you are all winners!

Still not sure what film featured Ming-Na, Kylie Minogue, and the late Raul Julia? Then hop on board the magic Inviso-Text ride!

It was the first live-action Street Fighter movie, released in 1994. The second comes out this weekend, but sadly it is not titled Street Fighter 2: Return to Shadaloo. Our winner, Aaron, points out that the original was "one of my favorite movies when I was younger"--now in full disclosure, I think Aaron is one of my former high-school English students, and I want to stress that I am in no way, shape, or form responsible for his youthful taste in cinema.

The first Street Fighter starred, of course, the Muscles from Brussels, JCVD. It was also Raul Julia's final big-screen role. (Note to actors: If you are feeling poorly, if you have so much as a cough or a sniffle, do not make a cheesy C-movie action flick. Do you really want Street Fighter to be the capstone on a long, fine career? Likewise, if you are a filmmaker, do you want as a tagline: "A movie so bad it killed Raul Julia!"?) On the other hand, it was a career launching point for Ming-Na, who would go on to voice Mulan, appear on The Single Guy and E.R., and... well, okay... Ming-Na hasn't had an exactly stellar career herself--she most recently showed up in Push. As for Ms. Minogue, the pop temptress's character in the film was called Lieutenant Cammy. 'Nuff said.

Ghostbusters

It's been said that home video's changed the movie-watching experience; instead of going to a big public space to watch movies in the dark with a community of strangers, we now mostly take them in within the privacy of our home, transforming what used to be a special event into an everyday convenience. And while some purists will insist that the only way to see a movie is on the big screen, I'm not that naïve; more importantly, watching movies on DVD has, at the very least, saved us from watching them on broadcast television. There are some film so often-broadcast, so uniformly ubiquitous in the 500-channel universe and cut to fit the screen or for language or for commercials that slipping in the DVD and watching them -- start to finish, no interruption -- is a welcome refresher course in why we loved them.

Like, for example, Ghostbusters. Released in 1984, Ghostbusters works so perfectly it's become a classic; the thing is, it shouldn't work at all. A big-budget high-concept mixture of action, special effects and comedy backed by several Saturday Night Live alumni? That describes Ghostbusters, but it also describes notorious flops like 1941, Spies Like Us and The Golden Child. On paper, Ghostbusters shouldn’t work. On screen, it does.