My Six-Year-Old Nephew Explains Transformers 1 & 2 To Me

by | Jun 29th, 2011 | 1:03PM | Filed under: DVD Reviews, Movies

If you’re like me, you get a kick out of watching giant robots beat the ball-bearings outta each other in the Transformers movies, but have trouble keeping track of who’s who and why they’re always robo-wrasslin’.

So to prepare for the third flick, Transformers: Dark of the Moon (read my review here), I asked my six-year-old nephew Warren to sit down with me and re-watch Transformers and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. (Both available now from redbox.)

I learned quite a bit.

Below are Warren’s insights into the world of giant transforming robots.

Warren On the Backstory

  • This first part of the first movie doesn’t even have anything happening – it just talks about the Earth.
  • The All Spark is the cube they’re fighting over. They want to get it because it makes them fight better. Because it goes into their heart. But then they lost it in the stars.
  • The army guys are part of Optimus Prime’s army. They’re the people Optimus Prime likes–they protect him and the other Transformers on his team. They all live together underwater, like Sponge Bob.
  • Autobots don’t make trouble, Decepticons do. You know this Transformer is a bad guy ‘cause he doesn’t have blue and red on him. He’s in the bad-guy army. I think he’s hungry. Like me.

Warren On Who’s Who in the Autobots

  • My favorite Transformer is Optimus Prime. He’s the leader ‘cause he’s the biggest. He does most of the fighting. The little guys just stay in the car.
  • Ironhind [sic] just rolls and rolls and rolls, doesn’t even fight. He’s just like, “jump, roll, jump, roll, jump, roll.” But he’s good in a fight ‘cause he knocks people over.
  • That’s Sam, Optimus Prime’s person he likes. Sam’s big enough to get a car. Bumblebee is his car—Bumblebee’s a Transformer so he can drive himself. My sister has a car, but it’s not a Transformer. She has to drive it herself.

Warren On the Decepticon Leadership Hierarchy

  • Megatron is the leader of the bad guys. Starscream is a bad guy, too. He’s trouble. He’s the baddest one ever. He’s supposed to be the leader of the bad guys, but Megatron was the first one to ask to be the leader.
  • Starscream wanted to be the leader, but the leader has to have a special weapon. Starscream’s special weapon is a missile launcher, but he’s not that good with missile launchers. He hurts himself with ‘em. The other guys are like, “Starscream, whatcha doin’ up there?” And Starstream is like, “Hello, want some of this?” and he shoots the missile launcher and it comes back and hits him in the head. And everyone is like, “How’d Starscream get knocked out?” It’s ‘cause the missile launcher hit him in the head.

Warren On Why Revenge of the Fallen is Better/Worse than Transformers

  • Part two is easier to understand because they don’t fight that much. They only fight three times and they fight like four times in part one.
  • [A few minutes later] Two is the worst movie ever ‘cause they have more fighting. One fight is two fights together.
  • [A few more minutes later] Two is the better movie ‘cause it has more fights. Like this one is the hugest fight ever! They’re fighting a Decepticon with one wheel!

[This is about as cohesive and coherent a grasp of the two movies' qualities as I've heard.]

Warren On Revenge of the Fallen‘s Controversial “Twins”

I don’t know what these two guys are all about. All they do is fight against each other and they’re on the same team. One says something mean to the other one like, “You’re stupid,” and the other one’s like, “You’re stupid” and then they fight. Like me and my sister.

Warren On the Ins and Outs of Transformer Battles

  • The little Transformers are the best ones to fight—they don’t knock people over, they just pull ‘em over. Like a cop. “Pull over right now!” Bumblebee’s good at shmooshin’ little Transformers.
  • The bad Transformer’s head got chopped off, but his head is a spider so it can still move around. I don’t have a spider head, but I do have a chocolate milk mustache. See?
  • Starscream’s shooting all over the place, but he’s not shooting Prime. He’s just shooting the ground. But now Optimus got sworded by Megatron. That’s not nice, but before this Optimus Prime did something he wasn’t supposed to—he came up behind a person and jumped on his head and broke something.
  • This big guy at the pyramid is a lot of trouble. Look at that thing—he can suck stuff in. But I don’t know what happens to those guys he ate up. Transformers don’t poop.

Warren On Why John Turturro is in His Tighty Whities in Fallen

I don’t know at all.

Warren On Girls in Transformers Movies

Note: Every time I asked Warren about Megan Fox, why she’s in the movie and why Sam likes her, he responded with a shrug. So it’s good to know that at six, Warren’s understanding of girls is about as sketchy as my understanding of Transformers.

_____

Transformers and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen are both available from redbox.

You can also rent the new video game Transformers: Dark of the Moon from redbox for XBox 360, Wii, and PS3


25 Responses to “My Six-Year-Old Nephew Explains Transformers 1 & 2 To Me”

  1. Impheatus
    Posted on June 29, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    LOL! This was a pretty good insight into the franchise.
    Fun reading, thanks!

  2. Dinah
    Posted on June 29, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    Hi Locke,

    From the mouths of babes! HAHAHA! Warren is great! What a completely enjoyable article. It would be a hoot to have a monthly consultation with him on his favorite film pics…. and particulars on why he picked them… hysterical reading… great idea and excellent job! Looking forward to more from “The Warren Factor”. =)

    Dinah

  3. Matthew the Movie Geek
    Posted on June 29, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    I LOLed pretty hard at this article.

    Thank you.

  4. Meg a mom
    Posted on June 29, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    Wow!! That was awesome!! Warren is the best!!
    (Do I have to say I’m his mom, or does that seem apparent?)
    Glad you got him to open up about his robot friends – great job!!

  5. moviegoer123
    Posted on June 29, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    Pretty hilarious. Good that Warren knows that fighting is bad to see movies until he’s older! That nephew of yours Locke, may have some potential of becoming a film critic. From this funny article, he analyzes film exceptionally in a kids’ point-of-view.

  6. SpaceMonkeyX
    Posted on June 29, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    That was great! Kid understands what the heck’s going on in those movies about as well as anyone else, including Michael Bay.

  7. Jeremy F.
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    wheres that review that you said would be up yesterday???? >.>

  8. Jennifer Sci Fi Friend
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    Watch out for your position with Redblog, Locke, I think your nephew could take your spot one day in he very near future…. ;)

  9. Shannon Pearson
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    This may be the best blog I have ever read and your nephew is my new hero, lol. Kids are awesome!

    • Currently 5/5 Stars
    Tammy
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Omg…….that was too cute. I laughed out loud at the “Transformers don’t poop.” part. Too funny!

  10. Toni Ramirez
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    That was really fun to read! I loved the milk mustache part, and hey I learned something! I didn’t know transformers didn’t poop! Hahaha! Too cute!

    • Currently 4/5 Stars
    Debby Weaver
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    This was SO incredibly funny! I read it to my husband and we hooted! We have 15 grandkids and 4 of them are 6 to 10. The two older ones LOVE all of these type movies and I can’t wait to ask them what they think of Warren’s opinions! We rent them and watch them with our boys all the time.

  11. Sandy Arguijo
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    That was too cute, he should be a regular film critic, I loved it!

  12. Krystal
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    HAHA. Total LOL article. Your nephew is awesome!!! <>

  13. Phyl89
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    That kid’s got a lot of potential. Let him review other movies as well. :D

  14. Lucy
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    Haha! “Hello, want some of this?”

  15. Jeremy F.
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    they may not poop, but they do pee, as we saw in the first one lol…

  16. tre
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    Well put (claps) BRAVO…:-)

  17. anabel
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    that review was AWESOME!!!!!! kid’s comments are te best because they say exactly what’s on their mind. He should DEFINATELY review more movies!!! XD

  18. Travis
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    By far, this is the single greatest Transformers write-up I’ve seen online yet. I only wish it was a video, because I bet it’s even funnier to hear this stuff spoken and I can only imagine the facial expressions of an earnest young boy. Take this kid to see Dark of the Moon just so we can hear his thoughts!

  19. Matthew the Movie Geek
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 9:13 pm

    I’m so thinking like the style of Mystery Science Theatre 3000, can you imagine it?

  20. Raul
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    Lmao. I enjoyed reading this much more than watching Revenge of the fallen.

  21. Ross
    Posted on June 30, 2011 at 11:05 pm

    Warren, is The best That was Classic…!

    • Currently 5/5 Stars
    Mega Tim
    Posted on July 1, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    In comparison to other movie reviews, this one is like fresh air. I simply love it! Warren is so cute. I am sure Mom is proud. Huge thanks to Locke for sharing this great review!!! I would love to see something like this as a regular on Redbox.

    PS. I shared this link on my Facebook and it got all “likes”!! Awesome!

  22. Angie
    Posted on July 12, 2011 at 10:53 am

    From the mouth of babes, 6 year old are so smart now! Thanks for sharing, gave me my smile for the day.