Last summer I read the four Twilight novels back to back and immediately understood why millions of women around the world went gaga for Stephenie Meyer's fictional Forks, Washington-based universe. While I don't consider myself a Twihard by any means, I'm also not too proud to admit that I did, in fact, enjoy the books. And even though New Moon was my least favorite in the series, I still had high hopes for its adaptation. I mean, it just kinda had to be better than Twilight, right?
If you were reading redblog a year ago then you know that while I had several issues with the first film, I did find some of its cheesiness a bit charming. (What you might not know is that I watched it in the theater again — twice — after I wrote that review and actually liked it more each time.) Therefore, I figured that with a new director (Chris Weitz) and a bigger budget that would surely remedy the embarrassingly bad "special effects situation," there was no way the sequel wouldn't be a superior film. Alas, fellow Twilight fans, I have bad news for you: I was very, very disappointed by New Moon.
For the most part, the adaptation follows the story arc of the novel. Vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and mortal high schooler Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) are happy together for like two seconds, but then a few members of Edward's family start lusting after Bella's blood when she gets a paper cut (at her own birthday party, no less), and so Edward's all, "Sorry, babe, but this isn't gonna work." Bella sinks into a deep depression when the entire Cullen clan skips town, and the only person who is eventually able to cheer her up is her old buddy Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), who's put on approximately one gazillion pounds of muscle — and continued to use Crest White Stripes without abandon on his already-blinding choppers — since we last saw him. It is then revealed that he simply cannot bear to have his shirt on. It physically pains him to do so — he gets a really wicked contact rash and no one on in La Push (where he and his fellow Quileute tribe members hang) can figure out how to help him. 
OK, so I made that part up. Jacob's shirtlessness is never actually explicitly explained in the film, but one can infer that it has something to do with him being a werewolf. But forget about the werewolf part for a second because I just need to say that it is seriously Ridiculous (notice the capital r?) how much Jacob's running around half-nekkid in this movie. Or running around half-nekkid in the pouring rain. Or in slo-mo. I just kept thinking, "This is like Baywatch… with guys" during all of his scenes (and some of Edward's — he also goes shirtless a few times and has a classic/hilarious bad-boy-walking-in-slo-mo scene to boot). I suppose I should be happy that some dudes are getting objectified-to-the-max up on the big screen for a change, but instead I just felt embarrassed for them.
Back to the plot… Just as Bella's life finally regains some normalcy and her friendship with Jacob starts turning into something more (no one can resist all that shirtlessness), the Cullens pop up again. Specifically, Edward's sister Alice (Ashley Greene) decides to drop by, and around that same time the girls learn that Edward thinks Bella is dead (long story). Because she can see glimpses of the future, Alice knows that Edward plans to take a page from Romeo and Juliet and — since vampires can't off themselves — will attempt to join Bella in death by putting on a fab-u light show over in Italy. Meaning, he's going to stand in the sun and reveal his sparkling vampire skin to humans, thus ensuring he'll be killed by the royal vampire clan, the Volturi, 'cause showing your bling-bling face in public is against their rules. Why would Edward be so distraught over Bella's death? Wasn't he the one who left her? Yes, of course, but he was just trying to protect her — he really does love her — but vampires shouldn't be with humans — daaahhhh!!!!! Don't you see how complicated their relationship is?!?! Why else do you think they're always fumbling over their words and gasping and sighing and breathing heavy?!? Because it's hard to be a human and vampire in love, people!
Since I know many of you reading this are going to be dragged to the movie by your girlfriends/wives/friends and may have not read the book, I will not reveal anything else about what goes down after Alice and Bella head to Europe. Will they be sidetracked by all of the gelato vendors and forget about trying to stop Edward from dazzling himself to death? Will Jacob ever put on a shirt again? You're just going to have to see it to find out.
For those of you who, like me, were genuinely looking forward to New Moon, let me tell you the few high points in the film before I detail why it didn't live up to my expectations overall. Positive #1: The Volturi scenes. I had doubted Dakota Fanning's ability to pull off Jane, but I was completely wrong. She was perfect. As was Michael Sheen as Aro and Jamie Campbell Bower as Caius. They were exactly what I had pictured in my mind when I read the books — both in looks and mannerisms. Positive #2: A cool chase scene with Original Victoria (Rachelle Lefevre) and the wolves set to a Thom Yorke track that I love. Positive #3: The three standouts from the first film were on their game again this time around — namely, Anna Kendrick and Michael Welch as two of Bella's high school friends, and Billy Burke as Charlie, Bella's dad. Unfortunately, they only got a few minutes of face time each. Positive #4: Face Punch. Enough said.
Now let's talk about the The Bad.
Remember all that horrid pancake makeup used to make the Cullens pale as ghosts in Twilight? It's gone now… but in its place are very disturbing golden contacts for all of the vampires. Way more noticeable and unnerving than in the first film. These are supposed to be the most beautiful people in the world, but instead they looked like freaks (yes, even Edward) because of whatever was done to their eyes. 
The Volturi's glowing-red eyes were fine — but the huge golden irises on the Cullens simply looked painful. (I'm very curious to hear whether anyone else noticed this, so if you did, please let me know in the comments.)
My dreams of awesome special effects were dashed early on as well… the first time we got a good look at one of the wolves, I just shook my head and thought, "Good God, that is Gmork from The NeverEnding Story." (Even though you all know TNES is one of my favorite movies, Gmork should not be making an appearance in a modern-day film.) The wolf effects did get better as the film progressed, but I just couldn't shake my initial reaction. As for the other special effects (vampire battles, fast-running, etc.), they were OK. But a lot of work needs to be done in order for Eclipse and (presumably) Breaking Dawn to not be completely ridiculed, as both of those stories are much more action-based.
Let's see, what else? Bella was still as annoying as ever. The dialogue throughout was peppered with laughable, inane cheese-poofs. "Bella, you give me everything… just by breathing!" Brother, please. (WHY OH WHY is screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg on board again for Eclipse? Even the best actors in the world can't make craptastic lines sound anything other than craptastic.) I don't care if some of this gooeyness came directly from the books. It doesn't work on film.
As for Chris Weitz, I feel he went the safe route and made a movie that he knew would please the hardcore fans. All of the fifteen-year-olds sitting behind me last night thought it was "AMAAAAAZING." I, however, was thrown by some of the pacing (the reveal of Jacob's secret was handled horribly), bemused by some of more artsy shots (when I wasn't battling motion sickness — 'twas lots of spinny camerawork goin' on…), and shocked at just how boring — and devoid of romance — New Moon was all in all. Maybe it will grow on me like Twilight did… but that would require me to see it again. (Not likely.) So here's to hoping that next summer, Eclipse will redeem this franchise. They can start with finding Jacob a shirt.
Posted on December 6, 2009 at 1:56 am
i cant help writing something. i have yet to see the new moon movie but read all of the novels back to back when the very first came out and before it was the latest craze. it drives me absolutely crazy with all of this team edward team jacob crap and i love a guy that bites. please give me a break. everybody seems to miss the whole point behind the books of love is never easy but it cant be helped and it will always find a way to succeed if it is truly meant to be. the books took this concept to the extreme by using the predator prey theory and the whole whos gonna be the alpha male thing. dont get me wrong i absolutely Loved capital l the books and felt almost lost after finishing the last but i cant take all of the teenage bull crap that has snaked its way into the series. its amazing how quickly a great thing like a love story can be ruined by undeveloped shallow thinking. twilight movie was one of the biggest disappointments ive ever been to and sorry to say it didnt grow on me. if thats the best they can currently do in making a movie out of a book with that kind of potential i hope that they never happen to read any other books that i have enjoyed. i will have to watch new moon when it comes out to rent but after the disappointment of twilight i wont be filling a theater seat any time soon
Posted on December 13, 2009 at 11:37 am
I agree with everything you said!!! I was hoping for so much more…. also I hope they do not use Melissa Rosenberg for Breaking Dawn…. instant disappointment if they do!
Posted on January 6, 2010 at 9:35 am
Erika – If you’ve only it once, I highly recommend giving it a second chance. The first time I saw it, my overall opinion of the film virtually paralleled your Nov. 30th comments with only a few slight disparities. I, too, said I wouldn’t see it again. I went with a friend who had read all 4 books and the 2 of us keep grunting and looking at each other with a “that’s-not-how-it-happened-in-the-book” expression on our faces. And that of course biased my opinion. I should not have gone in comparing it to the text, but I did. And was obviously disappointed.
But then my mom and my son wanted to see it, so I went with them and tried to watch it as a “movie” rather than a visual representation of the text. I liked it better the second time around. It, like Twilight, grows on you the more you see it. (Assuming you can pretend Rob is someone else. He is SOOO NOT what Edward Cullen looks like in my head!)
One thing I disliked was the introduction of Sam with the whole glowing eyes in the forest scene. I kept imagining it was a giant jawa hiding in the forest! And the end fight scene was just stupid and unnecessary.
I liked Jacob climbing in Bella’s window and thought the wolf picture on her wall was funny irony. And even though he phased in front of her and that whole meeting the wolf pack concept was out of order, it was visually cool, so I can buy into the scene.
But my biggest dislike in the whole film was Edward without a shirt! UGH! That was super gross, especially after having had my fill of eye-candy with Jacob! Hubba-hubba! (FYI, he actually had his shirt ON more in the movie than he did in the book. Go figure!)
I thought Dakota Fanning did a much better job than I expected of her. The character representing Aro didn’t match what I see in my head. I thought he should be older, or bigger, somehow. More ‘ancient’ I guess.
These are me random thoughts. Looking forward to Eclipse in June!
L8R! :) meli